On the Darker Side

Happy New Year, and I hope for all of you it will be just that. On this day, however, I am harboring some darker thoughts. 

My brother-in-law Philip Gerard has written a blog piece on man’s “intrinsic” warlike nature (http://radixliber.net/author/phils-posts/). In his piece, Phil argues that by changing people’s attitudes through persuasion and legislation, our bellicose natures can be changed for the better. He looks at war as a  “collective pathology” that we can somehow ameliorate just as we have ended slavery and improved the lives of women in most of the world. Phil points out that families suffer for generations with the after-effects of war. 

 History has been a series of displacements and migrations for the human species. There is no doubt that nature’s arbitrariness in causing drought, hurricanes, avalanches, etc. has also contributed to these migrations, but just in the last hundred years, we have had two world wars causing huge amounts of death and displacement, and genocide affecting entire populations such as the Armenians, the Jews and the Tutsis of central Africa. Since 1960 we have seen wars in Vietnam, Korea, Iraq, the Balkans, Iran and countless other parts. We have seen governments murdering, persecuting and evicting their own citizens. In the wake of this destruction is an incredible amount of human suffering handed down from generation to generation.

 On December 16th, 2010, my first cousin Paul B. was shot to death at around 7:15 in the morning at the garage he co-owned in the Kendall section of Miami, Florida. He was shot between the eyes with a dummy bullet, the kind that explodes in your head and makes sure you don’t go home. In other words, he was intentionally murdered - not by some strung-out junkie looking for drugs, but by someone who wanted to make sure he was never going to see his family again. Paul was 46 years old. As I celebrated holidays home here with my own family I could not help thinking that whoever killed Paul was also probably celebrating and having a good time with his own family.

 Paul was a larger-than-life person who was adored by many people. As his brother Danny pointed out in an article in The Miami Herald, Paul’s answer to any quest for his assistance was, “No problem.” Danny and Paul were born in Sao Paulo, Brazil, where my uncle (my mother’s brother) lived with his second wife. They had a beautiful house and lived quite well. This came to an abrupt end when my uncle developed multiple sclerosis and almost died. My aunt had to move the family by herself while my uncle was in the hospital here in New York. She and my cousins went from living in a large house with live-in help to living in a small apartment. My aunt had to find a job in a new country and adapt to life in the United States. Luckily, she had lived here briefly before marrying my uncle and her English was excellent. My two cousins who were still in grade school only spoke Portuguese. They had not been to the United States before and they had never had a working mother. They had never lived in an apartment. 

 As Paul grew up, he became everybody’s security blanket. The family moved to Miami. It just so happened that my mom also moved to Florida after marrying her second husband, a Floridian. She was the person Paul could confide in when times were hard. To his family, however, he was the rock. He started bringing in money when he was in high school. He started working at a garage as a teenager and eventually owned one. He married a woman with two children from a previous marriage who he brought up. He was a father to them emotionally and financially. He and his wife also had a child of their own who is now a teenager. 

 I’m sure somebody knows who killed Paul and why, but we in the family are totally in the dark. There are seven police investigators on the case, but so far no news. As I contemplate this deed and try to digest it, I can’t help but marvel at what ends men will go for power, land, money, status or revenge. Paul’s death is just a little star in the sky of human misery. Perhaps it was just a random killing, but it seems more likely that someone killed him for some of the same reasons that wars are declared and unfair laws are written. 

 Everyday I am amazed at the courage, kindness and altruism of my patients. People will go through tremendous obstacles for those they love and will sacrifice almost anything for those with whom they identify; but unfortunately, that same kindness and dogged bravery is not shown to people who are them not us. We humans are tribal. We protect our own or those who look or sound like us, but are savage to those not included in our circle. Sometimes even those in our circle, but who look different or who practice a different religion, may be singled out, as happened in Rwanda and Bosnia.

 Right now on the first day of this new year I am ruminating on the amount of damage humans inflict on one another, the long-term effects of that damage and how, in the long run, it hurts us all. The human heart can motivate the most inert, but within us all is a savage black space out of which we seem incapable of emerging.

   

 

Comments

[Adriel Gerard]

Great post. Paul's death is certainly is a tragedy and I can understand how this event caused you to think more generally about the darker side of human nature (with the contribution of Phil's excellent post--http://radixliber.net/author/phils-posts/). This is why I prefer dogs, at least the savagery is on the surface and there is no deceit. I want a Weimaraner -- I'm putting that out there on record.

[Caroline Hagood]

This is a hard post to read because I can hear your pain and confusion, but I think you reason with it well. Paul’s death is just a little star in the sky of human misery is a beautiful way of putting it. I'm with Adriel. Let's just stick with dogs. I'm so sorry for your loss!

[Sistasasy]

thank you for sharing this painful memory
i have been waiting to read your analysis on this seemingly senseless loss
i needed to be included in your personal processing of crisis
it is the most extreme events that are the most telling of a person
i wish that NO ONE feel the lasting pain of the death of a loved one or the imminent possibility of their own death
HOWEVER i do know that those who go through those horrific experiences with a fearlessness, a vulnerability, an instinct for survival, are in the end, teachers for the rest of us
you are blessed with being one of those teachers
i waited for this to be written
now that i have it
i am a calmer
stronger
better person
and i continue to be one of your biggest fans